Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
