Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
