I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
