Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
