Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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