There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
