I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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