Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
