She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
