some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
