I smell stomach acid.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
