You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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