i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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