At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I pour the whiskey from now on
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
