i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
