i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Your penis caused this!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
