Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
