Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
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Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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