Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
