Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
