my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
