She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
