all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
