Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
