Well douche your snatch and let's go!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
