I am puke
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
