i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
