we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
