One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
