ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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