So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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