I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
