Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
