I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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