Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
