I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
