the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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