Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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