I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
