my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
