So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Who died my cat blue again?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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