this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I love you. Go after that dick
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
