i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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