She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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