i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
