Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
