I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
