I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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