you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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