So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
