Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
