somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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