I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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