Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
