You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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