ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Randomize
