In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
