I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
