I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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