I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
