Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
