thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
