I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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