stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
