Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
