I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
