I want to walk on stilts...naked
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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