Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
