I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
