This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
honey bunches of taint.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
